A Second Chance (The Publicist, Book Four) Page 7

  The attic was cold, colder than she’d expected. She tugged the robe tighter and grabbed the bulky flashlight she kept at the top of the stairs. She flicked it on and was almost surprised that it still worked. It had been years since she’d been up here. She spotted the box almost immediately. Tucked away in a corner with all of the stuff her parents had given her. Awards from high school, yearbooks, and the letters Mac had sent her. She sat down on another stack of boxes and lifted the shoebox, with the letters, carefully onto her lap. She opened the lid and saw the stack of them, her name and address written in Mac’s perfect penmanship. She stared at them for a moment, still wondering if this was the right thing to do. Opening these letters could not solve anything, and she really didn’t need clarity, right? Sydney slipped a finger into the envelope and gently opened it, pulling the letter out. It was dated December 20, 1984:

  My dearest Sydney,

  It’s almost Christmas and everyone has left to go home. I’m staying back to finish a project before winter break and then I’ll head home where I hope to see you. I miss you, so much that I can’t even begin to tell you how much. Even here, at school I think of you all the time and I don’t know what happened, but I will do anything to make it up to you. I have been writing for months with no response, still, I’m hopeful that maybe you’ve just been busy and one day I’ll find a letter from you, saying it’s all right and that you still love me, too.

  I’m coming home on December 22nd and I’d love to see you. Please, let me see you, my beloved Sydney. I love you. I have loved no one else but you, and if you no longer love me, if I’ve broken your heart in some way, please tell me how I can fix it. I will do anything. But if there is nothing I can do, please know that I won’t bother you again. I will leave you alone and this will be my last letter.

  My train arrives at 10am on the 22nd, will you meet me that afternoon, 3pm at our secret spot? If you aren’t there, I will go away and never bother you again. But know that I will love you for the rest of my life.

  All my love, MacDermott

  Sydney felt her eyes burn. Regret seared through her. How could she have been so silly to not open these letters?

  “I waited three hours for you that day.”

  Sydney looked up, startled. Mac was standing over her; she hadn’t even heard him come up. She was totally off her game when it came to this guy.

  He knelt down next to her and took another letter out of the box.

  Her hands shook and a tear slid down her face. Mac reached up and wiped it away.

  “I’m so sorry, Sydney. I should have tried harder. I should have showed up at your house and made you face me.”

  For a moment she couldn’t speak. She just looked at him, holding the box of unopened love letters.

  “I-I,” Another tear slid down her face and Mac grabbed the box of letters and put it on the floor.

  “I never told you this, Buttercup, but that was my first time, too. When we made love. I was so scared and nervous. All I knew was that I loved you.”

  She frowned, “Your first time? I assumed, I mean you were older, and I just assumed.”

  Mac smiled, “That I’d had girlfriends on the side or something? No. You were it for me, Syd. I knew I loved you when I was fifteen and that was all she wrote.”

  She could feel her hands start to shake, “But you never said anything?”

  “You weren’t ready, and I knew I needed to wait until you were.”

  He took her hands in his and whispered:

  “Syd, I know this makes no sense, you and I now. And I get that I’m the worst possible bet that you could make, but I feel like….” At that moment, Sydney leaned forward and kissed him. His arms were around her in an instant, pulling her to him. He felt her hard nipples press into his chest and he explored her mouth with his tongue.

  Sydney’s hands held his face and her whole body came alive, for the first time in years. Awakening to his touch, his hands on her, under her robe, exploring her naked body underneath.

  For a split second he was back in time, remembering when he’d first touched her, and how nervous she was, but she trusted that he’d be gentle and take care of her and he did. The memory of their first time stole his breath.

  “Let me make love to you,” he whispered, his voice deep and erotic. She didn’t answer, but when he stood up, and pulled her up with him, she didn’t fight it. He walked her to the hatch and followed down the ladder. Then he picked her up and carried her to his room.

  He slipped his hands under her robe, letting it slide off in a soft silk wave that floated to the ground. He pulled her t-shirt over her head. She was standing in front of him, wearing nothing but panties. His eyes were heavy-lidded. His breath coming hard, and he looked at her the way only Mac could.

  The scrape of his cheek; the heat of his hands; the way they fit together; made her shake. It had always been like this between them, that raw heat that practically lifted her off the ground with its force.

  She tugged off his shirt and loosened his pants. She could see how hard he was for her, then he stepped out of his boxers and he sprang free. He was large and thick and hard and he was ready to take her.

  He kissed her until his entire being throbbed with wanting her so much that he couldn’t form actual, coherent thoughts. Mac lifted her onto the bed and slipped off her panties. His mouth was on her, first licking and sucking at her nipple and then trailing down her body. Sydney moaned with pleasure when his mouth reached her thighs. He slipped his tongue inside her, tasting her. She raked her fingers through his hair, calling his name. Then his lips trailed up her body.

  “I want you so desperately,” he whispered and she could feel his penis, hard against her thigh. She wanted him inside her, riding her. Feeling him again after all of these years. His hands separated her thighs and he teased her, first just letting the head of his penis touch her. His eyes never left her. She held his face, lifting her mouth to kiss him. He slid more of himself into her, waiting, enjoying every moment of feeling how soft and warm she was. Pleasure sparked through her, but it was his eyes, worshipful and devout, that almost made her climax. She was so wet for him. As he pushed himself all the way inside her, she felt her breath catch. He was long and hard and she could feel every inch of him, pulsating inside.

  Mac kissed her hard, and all she could feel was ecstasy. He moved in and out of her as he brought her closer to orgasm. Then she felt it, a warm wave that overtook her entire body. This inferno engulfed her from head to toe. She lost sight of everything except the pleasure that raged through her. Her blood seemed to flow through her veins like liquid fire. And then, when he was certain her pleasure had already peaked, he lifted her hips and plunged deeper into her and increased his pace, until his own orgasm overtook him.

  “Sydney...” he moaned as he came, hard. Then he kissed her, breathless with his desire for her.

  Chapter 21

  He held Sydney in the aftermath of their love making. She laid with her head on his chest, listening to his heart.

  “Some things never change.” she said softly.

  Mac let out a small laugh, “I would like to think that I’ve gotten better from an eighteen-year-old-kid who was scared out of his mind.”

  “Why were you scared?” She ran a hand along his hard chest.

  “I was afraid I wouldn’t know what to do, or that I’d do it wrong and disappoint you.”

  Sydney pushed herself up on her elbow, “I was anything but disappointed, in fact I still can’t believe I was your first, too.”

  Mac grinned, “I asked some buddies I trusted, read some magazines. Mostly my dad’s old Playboys.”

  Sydney let out a laugh, “Well that was an incredible afternoon, but tonight certainly topped it.”

  Mac kissed her hair and ran a finger down her arm; his touch could make her body thrum and buzz. As his finger continued to trail down her body, she sparked to life again.

  “I wanted to call you, even after you didn’t show that day. Now
, I wish so much that I had.”

  Sydney pushed herself up and looked at Mac, his hair disheveled, his body half covered in a sheet. No man had the right to look that good. Naturally, the universe or whatever you want to call it, was kicking her in the ass by returning this man to her and offering her something that she knew she could never have.

  “What are you thinking?” He smiled devilishly.

  “That I want you again, but that I want to be on top this time.”

  Mac pulled her in for a kiss and she shifted one leg to straddle him. She ran her fingers down his torso. He was already hard for her again. She encircled his penis in her hand, her fingers not quite making it all the way around his girth. She began to stroke him slowly. Teasing him with her touch, then, when he was just about to explode in her hand, she slid down onto him and they made love again.

  Chapter 22

  Mac woke up before Sydney and watched her sleep as he relived the night before. Mac had known a lot of women in his life, but Sydney rocked his world in a way that went beyond anything physical. She challenged him in extraordinary ways. Though she was, clearly, way above his pay grade, he couldn’t help but wonder if by some odd twist of fate, they might end up together.

  “What are you thinking about?” Syd asked, her voice heavy with sleep.

  “That you are magnificent,” he pushed himself up on his elbow, smiled and kissed her.

  “You’re just saying that because you know you just slept with a CIA agent and you’re hoping that I don’t have your phones and emails tapped.” She teased.

  “You can do that?” He narrowed his eyes playfully.

  “If we suspect you of activities that could endanger the homeland, yes. Have you participated in such activities Mr. Ellis?”

  “I’ve published some bad books, does that count?”

  Sydney laughed, “Doubtful, freedom of speech and all.”

  “But I have had a lot of sexy thoughts about one agent in particular.” He brushed a lock of hair from her face and kissed her again.

  “Really? Do tell…”

  “I want to spend the day making love with her, and I thought yesterday about taking her in the kitchen.”

  “Oh, really? Shame on you. I’ll definitely have to punish you for that.”

  “Promise?” He kissed her again, this time with more urgency.

  “How about a shower?”

  Mac didn’t need more invitation than that, in one movement he sat up and flung his legs out of bed. He stood up, naked in front of her and Sydney had to contain herself to keep from dragging him back into the bed.

  What the hell was happening to her? Her relationships since Joe hadn’t been stellar, but they weren’t bad, per se. They were more comfort than anything, a warm body to wake up beside, but she’d always been able to control her desire, to table it enough to keep her wits about her. Mac set her off her axis, and it was both exhilarating and frightening. Even her beloved Joe hadn’t affected her the way Mac did.

  Chapter 23

  After making love in the shower, they agreed it was time to get up and get something to eat. Mac also needed to work on the book, so while Sydney made breakfast, Mac sat at the kitchen table and asked her questions to help expand the story.

  “Syd,” Mac said looking up from his laptop, “I think we’re pretty close to having everything we need to finish this the right way.”

  Then this will be over, Syd thought and realized suddenly she was in dangerous territory, because a part of her, a large part of her, didn’t want this to end.

  Everything ends.

  She slid some eggs onto a plate, added bacon and toast and handed it to Mac. He reached for her hand. “Are you okay?”

  “Yes, I’m fine.” she smiled, but her words held the faintest hint of hesitation.

  Mac stood up. “What’s wrong?” He reached for her hands and held them in his own.

  “It’s okay, Syd, it’s okay to feel something here. We had an incredible night together.” He bent his head, kissed her and drew her in for a hug.

  “I can’t, I mean this won’t work.”

  Mac stepped back slightly, his eyes fixed on her: “What are you afraid of? Falling in love? Is that so horrible?”

  “I am in no position to be in a relationship. My job makes it ….”

  Mac held her face in his hands, “Sydney, I get it. You’re off to save the world tomorrow and it’s simpler for you if there isn’t someone at home, waiting for you.”

  She nodded. Yes it was that, but there was more to it—more she couldn’t explain to Mac. He threw her off her game, he made her question her life, and he made her want more. Wanting more had never worked well for her; it always led to disappointment.

  “We can’t build our hopes up based on some long ago fairytale we both experienced. Things change, people change and I…”

  “You’ve lost a lot,” he said softly, “I get that. And if we’re being totally honest here, then I need to tell you that I will regret seeing you go, but I understand that you need to. Just know that I will miss you and I’ll think of you, often.”

  He kissed her then, a soft, sweet kiss, “But I will not force you into a life you don’t want. For now though, we have a day and a night. Let’s promise to just enjoy that, okay?”

  She nodded and he kissed her again.

  Chapter 24

  Three days later, Mac was sitting in his big office and wishing that he was back in Vermont with Sydney. Sharing a bottle of wine, sharing dinner, sharing a bed.

  He missed her.

  A lot.

  It was an odd sort of realization. Mac had known a lot of women in his life. They were all significant in their own way, but something about Sydney made her remarkable and challenging in a way that he hadn’t experienced. Something took root inside of him, something he hadn’t expected.

  Love.

  At the thought, the emotion swamped him.

  Mac realized that for all of the years that had passed between them, and for all of the misunderstandings that had driven them apart, one thing had never ceased.

  He loved Sydney.

  He always had. The problem was, she had a very different life agenda. He was publishing books while she was out saving the world.

  She was definitely too good for him. She was also pretty clear that she didn’t want a relationship.

  Mac swiveled in his chair and looked out his window across the city. Its funny how the tables have turned. He used to be the one giving “the talk” about not wanting a relationship, or not being ready to sign up for any commitment. Now, he was on the receiving end of that talk and he realized how it felt.

  Not good.

  Mac’s cell rang, he looked at the display and it read “unknown number.” He picked up anyway—you could never tell with some authors, too paranoid to reveal their phone number.

  “Mac Ellis.”

  “It’s Syd.” Hearing her voice, Mac felt his heart kick up a beat. He leaned back in his chair and smiled.

  “You know I normally never pick up blocked calls, but I guess I should expect nothing less from super spy. Are you back?”

  “Not quite, just a couple more days, but I got an invite to something and I wondered if you would like to go?”

  Mac smiled into the phone, “What is it?”

  He could tell she was hesitating, “It’s an award thing.”

  “Wow, nice! Of course, I’d love to be there. When is it?”

  “Friday, but Mac there’s something else. I’ll need you to go through a security check.”

  “Where is this event?”

  “At the White House,” she said, her voice almost too matter-of-fact.

  Mac nodded and almost laughed, of course she’d be getting an award from the President. She was, after all, Wonder Woman.

  “It’s okay if you don’t want to go. I mean, I get it, it’s intimidating and a hassle.”

  Mac’s lips creased into a broad smile, “Not at all intimidating, just make sure you don�
�t tell him I didn’t vote for him.”

  Sydney was silent for a moment and then asked, “How are you?”

  Mac leaned on his desk and said, “I’ve missed you, Syd.”

  More hesitation, he could tell. Finally she said quietly, “I miss you, too.”

  “Has the trip been successful?” He said, changing the subject. He could sense she was getting uncomfortable.

  “So far, yes, very. I’d say I’ll tell you about it when I see you, but you know I can’t.”

  “As long as you’re safe—that’s all that matters, Syd.”

  Another space of silence and then she said, “Mac, I need to go right now, but someone from the White House security will get in touch with you about a background check.”

  “See you Friday, Syd,” he said as he clicked off and set his phone down. He thought about Sydney, wherever she was, doing whatever she could to help make the world a safer place. All he cared about was seeing her again.

  . . . .

  After Sydney hung up, she stared at her phone for a long moment. She had missed him, though she’d tried not to. Spending just two nights with Mac had colored her world in a way that she never thought she’d see again.

  When the invitation came from the White House, she couldn’t think of anyone she’d rather take than Mac. One more time, just once more, she promised herself. Loving anyone, especially Mac, was too big and too deep to get lost in. She couldn’t bear to get lost again, because it was too hard to climb back out after it ended.

  Chapter 25